“Happiness is a state of being not a state of achieving”
When did all the focus of who we are become about what is wrong with us. Sometimes I feel like I am in a disease disorders anonymous meeting standing up and introducing myself as “hi my name is Julie and I am waiting for a surgery that was supposed to be done a year ago to remove a pre-malignant polyp, diagnosed with lupus, chronic pain syndrome, chronic fatigue, chronic inflammation, hemiplegic migraines, fibroid’s resulting in an abdominal hysterectomy in 2013, hypothyroidism, pyroluria, MTHFR homozygous C669 (short version my body breaks down nutrients and detoxifies at 30 % capacity, and is unable to break down and utilize b vitamins and folic acid or explained technically it does not methylate), post-menopausal in 6 weeks, anxiety and chronic depression.
How nice would it feel to stand up and say “My name is Julie I am a mum, a woman, a sister, a wife, an aunty, a therapist, business owner, a friend, a fur mum and I Am Enough”.
Now I can see some of you are thinking wtf why would I want to be treated by this woman when she has so many health issues? Because I get it. If you come to us we understand what it feels like to feel frustrated, scared, confused, angry, misunderstood and alone in the world. We also understand what it means to keep, looking for the illusive state of perfect happiness.
The catch cry of the naughty’s “the universe has an unlimited amount of abundance all you have to do is think abundantly and everything will just magically come to you”. When that doesn’t happen we fall into feelings of disappointment, fear, shame and the belief that there is something deeply wrong with ‘me’. Beliefs that we are flawed start to invade our thinking, self-criticism, self-abuse with diets, the next gimmick that will help you to achieve that perfect version of your life. Bombarded at every turn by the next best thing, feeding deeper feelings of discontent resulting in disconnection. You start telling yourself I am not good enough, or simply I am not enough. I must be more I cannot be me because me is unacceptable.
Media, society, parents, and community play a large part in who we are and how we see ourselves. As a woman and a child raised by a single parent that was widowed when she was only 28, left with 2 little girls under 3, I got to experience the conditioning of a community first hand. In an era where single/widowed women were looked down on for being in their situation. There was no support. The perception of the time was that women needed a man to survive. Unfortunately, my mum succumbed to this belief, a number of breakdowns, chronic depression and 10 years almost to the day after my father was killed in an accident, she died of leukemia. Again 2 little girls were left to emotionally fend for themselves in a world that did not know how to cope with the feelings of loss, grief and abandonment. So here it began, these two girls decided that they would never be dependent on anyone, that they would do better, be better and work harder at being happy, being perfect.
But life happens and huge unthinkable traumas followed. My teens bought a Rape, addiction and divorce, 20’s- re marriage, 8 miscarriages, postnatal depression, and 3 beautiful kids. 30’s – stalked for 3 years by a neighbor that later hanged himself, indecently assaulted by a masseuse who due to me coming forward exposed a serial rapist served 10 1/2 years jail for also raping and indecently assaulting 15 other women, my youngest daughter experienced an acquired brain injury, more depression, marital issues, breast cancer scare, lots of education, 40’s – the magic finally started to happen (so I thought), self-development, personal growth, hysterectomy, countless diagnosis over a 6-year period of all of the above mentioned illnesses, 20kg weight gain, dark night of the soul to finally working through healing the past and being happy with being enough as I am.
Over the years I have kicked screamed, laughed cried, experienced unthinkable pain emotionally and physically, and at the same time experienced such joy and happiness that at times I had to pinch myself because it felt too good to be true. In all of this one thing stayed constant for as long as I can remember. A deep desire to learn and to help individuals find their happy state of being, self-love and self-acceptance. In my reality what people looked like on the outside was not a true representation of what was on the inside. If we stop long enough, look hard enough we will see that we are perfect just as we are. Sure achieving a healthy body is important, but so is a healthy mind. I know people look at me and make judgments on my appearance. But they do not see the real me. Hell I did not see the real me till recently. I thought if I blend in then no one will judge me. Until I went overseas recently (2016).
I was so fixated on my weight and what people would think of me that I shaved my head and dyed what was left a pastel pink. My theory was that if I shocked people with outrageous hair then they would not see how big I had gotten because they are focused on what’s above my shoulders. I did not want to explain my illness story because it is not who I am. Needless to say it worked. I was seen as lovable, funny, strong, determined, humorous, caring, and a little off center. I saw myself through the eyes of others, the self that I had hidden and protected. The cat was out of the bag. I am enough just as I am.
No number of degrees and diplomas was ever going to truly show who I really was. All it was was a mask of insecurity. I hid behind what I learnt, the certificates on the walls, the perception of who I am. I wanted to have all the answers, to be everything to everyone. I was perceived as being smart, some of my clients thought I was psychic. But all I ever was in that room, with that person was vulnerable, connected and present. I could hold a space with empathy and compassion. I could provide strength and hope when there were feelings of despair and hopelessness. Why? Because I could relate. Life had given me tools through the sadness, loss and grief to connect with others.
Sadly, I could not give myself that same level of commitment, care, compassion and empathy. In my eyes I was still not good enough. Result, illness after illness even though I knew better, eventually I gave up my successful business and sat with me. Slowly with finding the right help, a lot of self-nurture, I came through the other end of my dark night of the soul. I made a choice. I chose to stay firmly planted on this earth because I know my work is not yet finished. I have a story to tell, a life to live out, connections to make, and if I only reach one person to help to make a difference in how they see themselves then I have succeeded.
As I mentioned I have a varied educational background and the list will always grow because as I grow so does my knowledge. But not all things can be seen in a piece of paper.
Studied Bachelor Psychology -completed 2.5 years.
Diploma Health Sciences – Holistic Kinesiology
Diploma Detox Specialist
Diploma Food Coaching
Diploma Business – Business Mamas
Cert IV Food Allergy/Intolerance
Cert IV Healthy Weight for Life
Cert IV Hypnotherapy
Cert Counselling Kinesiology
Certified Dorn Spinal Therapy
Certified Chinese Cupping
Certified Timeline Therapy
Neuro Structural Integrative Technique
And countless courses online in self-help equaling thousands of hours over the years.
Member Australian Traditional Medicine Society – ATMS since 2009