You may have already looked at your medical, nutrition and lifestyle elements in your effort to conceive but what about the influence that your mind has on your body. And specifically the power it has on your ability to conceive?
You may be rolling your eyes here and thinking here comes another ‘just relax’ piece of advice! Well, yes there is a massive amount of research that connects infertility to stress, so learning to deal with it appropriately is an important aspect of looking after and nurturing yourself.
But what I’m referring to here goes deeper than that – it’s your beliefs and fears.
Your mind and your body work together as a seamless unit of intelligence and energy. Any limiting beliefs and fears you have could be contributing to keeping you in what is essentially a safe zone, despite your very determined desire.
I spent 10 years trying to fall pregnant and in that time, I often did things that were so obviously the opposite of what I knew I needed to be doing! That often led to beating myself up and more self-sabotaging behaviour. Never once did I connect the dots and realise that I was absolutely terrified of not only being pregnant, but also of having a child.
It was only years later when I was healing my grief that I learned this.
And for me it came from so many angles it’s no wonder I was unconsciously putting the brakes on and basically not allowing it to happen.
I’ll give you an example of what I am talking about here.
So, on what seems like a very superficial level, I was terrified of getting fat and of what pregnancy would do to my body. I know this sounds pathetic to some of you (here’s my fear of judgement showing up) but many of you will totally relate. This fear is quite common – is it powerful enough to stop you from getting pregnant? Maybe. I guess it depends on where this fear is coming from and how ‘dangerous’ getting fat is to you. Mine was very much tied up with my self-worth.
On a much deeper level, as a child I had lost both my parents as well as my cousin. My pain throughout life was hard enough to deal with, but watching my auntie after losing her child was really scary. Life had taught me that love equalled death (and a truckload of pain) and that’s a very powerful reason to retreat to safety!
The thing is these fears and beliefs are subconscious and you most likely don’t know how they’re impacting you. Your subconscious brain is here to keep you safe and it’s based purely on instinct – not logic – and it does this job of keeping you safe, based on information gathered from life’s experiences and input from those around you.
The first step is to explore and identify what your limiting beliefs may be. To do this you need to be open to the idea that there may be something there that is holding you back and to try to pinpoint what the limiting belief is and where it came from.
So what is the most limiting belief you have about having a child or getting pregnant?
Remember, these beliefs are not necessarily conscious thoughts, but once you think about it may seem sooo obvious!
Do you have any fears when it comes to becoming a mum? For example are you worried about getting it right or not being good enough?
Are you and your partner on the same page about starting a family or is there some conflict on the topic?
Are there areas of your life where it doesn’t feel safe to have a child, for example financial, relationship problems, work?
Is there a part of you that almost expects that you will have problems getting pregnant because of family or medical history?
Letting go and releasing these beliefs can be a bit tricky – the 2 things you need to practice are
- Awareness and
Once you acknowledge the power a limiting belief has, and you trace back its roots to see where it developed, it’s time to examine its validity.
How is this belief serving you and what do you know that makes it untrue?
When we expose the falseness of this belief we can see they are typically rooted in something tied to the past.
So in my example I believed that I was unlovable until I started to be “seen” at around the age of 13 based on how I looked.
Is it true that if my body changed I would be unlovable again? No. Phew!
The next step is where the persistence comes in – create new empowering beliefs. Ask yourself
“How do I want to feel and think?”
“What thoughts do I need to have to create new powerful mindset?”
If, for example, you feel that you are not equipped to be a good parent because you came from a dysfunctional family you could start to tell yourself every day
“I have an open heart that is full of love and I am ready to be an amazing mum”
I don’t want to over simplify this and say that one positive thought is all it takes – you can’t magically undo years of thought patterns, but you can start the process of reprogramming those thoughts with persistent empowering ones.
Play around with ones that feel like a good fit for you and be consistent with the process. I have had clients that were very resistant at the start, but with time felt big shifts happen.
I’d also like to point out that these beliefs and fears not only affect our behaviours, but can also have physical manifestations that contribute to infertility, so committing to releasing them can be healing in many ways.
Once you have identified and found the source of your limiting belief, connect to the emotion, allow yourself to feel it.
Sit quietly, close your eyes, and see where you feel this in your body so you can physically release it.
If you feel it in your chest, practice some deep breathing such as 4-8-7 breathing
- Exhale completely
- Inhale through your mouth to the count of 4, fully expanding your lungs
- Hold your breath for the count of 7
- Exhale completely to the count of 8
- Repeat 4 times
If it is in your shoulders treat yourself to a massage or some yoga.
If it is in your head, spend some time walking barefoot on grass/sand/earth to feel more grounded.
Use your instinct to see what you think your body may need. Incorporate this into the whole process to allow the release.
Lastly, on top of connecting to your body, connect to your heart. Do this exercise regularly to open your heart and be ready to receive.
- Sit comfortably and relax, notice your breath, think of someone who makes you smile.
- Or a time where you were in love with life or just madly in love.
- Sit with that feeling, smile and let that feeling spread through your body
Playing with or spending time with our pets or children can be the easiest and quickest ways to open our hearts. I just have to look at my cat to feel a little bit of joy. And my son of course!
If you have read through this and are having trouble connecting to what your limiting beliefs are and where they come from I have a great worksheet to help you get some clarity.
Pop in your details below and I will get it straight to you